I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
