Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
