im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
