my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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