He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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