What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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