with your own penis?
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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