apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
