I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
