so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
