a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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