I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
