i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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