she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
