a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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