No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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