i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
