great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
