Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
