Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
How external is "for external use only"?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
When did angry sex become our thing?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
