It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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