just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
