Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
