and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
