There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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