The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
