I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
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Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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