Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
