I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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