I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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