Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
