She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
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Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
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I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge