Sober January is a disaster.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa