exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
