Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?