dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
New Dating App in Dallas For Only The Most Ambitious and Attractive Singles
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.