No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.