He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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