I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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