she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
My pussy is not your playground.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
