Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
