She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
