Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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