Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a burrito and a hug.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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