Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
This is the high leading the old right now
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
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