yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
