The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
