Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
