similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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