It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
