just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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