I love black thongs
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
cat food counts as protein by the way
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
