btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
