Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
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The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
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dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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