Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
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I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
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The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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