the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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