is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
operation have a gay friend backfired
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
