I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
