no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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