Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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