There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
