Say something about gay babies.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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