dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
