apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
