he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize