My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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