I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
