Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
